What Happens to People Who Love Egypt Today!!

Well, it’s really sad and ugly that after the revolution of 25^th Jan people can’t live in Egypt peacefully and can’t enjoy freedom of thought or get a decent living, thanks to the Supreme Council of Armed Forces (i.e. SCAF), who are basically sucking the life out of anybody who loves and cares about this country and protects the corrupt ex-president and his family and friends!!!

Sign in Tahrir Sq. on 18 Nov asking to Free Alaa Abd El-Fattah;
 young Egyptian Activist who has been falsely put in Military Prison 

Anyway, I’m not going to go into criticizing the SCAF and its continuously failing ways in managing the country and responding to the demands of the revolution for a decent living, freedom, and democracy, because a lot of people have already wrote about that and continually writing about that from all around the world. I’m going to highlight something different, based on my personal experience. So, here it goes.

After 25 Jan Americans in Egypt with a Tourism Visa had to renew their visa every month. A few Americans I know who were working here in Cairo and couldn’t get a work permit (As a lot of employers here hire foreigners illegally and don’t give them a work permit, even some governmental organization does that !!), left Egypt because it’s a burden to keep going every month to Tahrir Compound (AKA: Mogama’a Tahrir) to renew their Tourism Visa.

iCare

iCare Technology

Long ago in a place called earth, where there were no machines, only living creatures created by Allah (The most Gracious the most merciful) humans lived in harmony with their surrounding environment. The air was great, so fresh and energetic with the scent of lilies, roses and tulips; especially at spring. Water was pure and spread life in everything it touches.

As humanity developed life on this placed called earth became much faster and faster. In order for Humans to keep up with the fast pace of life they developed machines, machines that cut trees to make wooden houses, machines to cut the grass and make it look uniform, machines to move them from a place to another at the speed of life.

These machines has used a lot of energy resources on earth and caused a lot of destruction to the environment. A number of people noticed the harm their machines were doing to the environment, and they decided to find solutions to decrease or remove this harm. So, they began using machines called computers and reducing their use of papers to reduce killing of trees. They also, used recycling machines to keep earth resources much longer, and decrease pollution caused by burning  waste. They also, started using renewable sources like solar energy from the sun. They started creating hybrid cars that uses less petroleum. They started using technologies out of their care for the environment, the “iCare Technology”.

They worked on this technology simply because they care about the environment and the lives of future generation of humans that are living in this environment. Sadly, this “iCare Technology” isn’t adapted widely in this place called earth. So, earth’s environment is dying slowly because of this “idon-t-care behavior” of lots of humans living in it.

Each and every one of us should be prosecuted for the crime of killing earth; every time we throw trash on the streets, every time we throw stuff in the river Nile, every time we use our car unnecessarily to go to some place only meters away, every time we throw stuff out of our car’s windows carelessly.

A letter to someone I thought I knew

I'm sorry that when they remember me they blame you that you let me go

I understand because this happens with me too

I feel what you are going through

I'm sorry that some of the things I said turned out to be right, I hate that sometimes I'm painfully right, and I sometimes wished I was wrong

I'm sorry for the pain I caused you without meaning to

I'm sorry for the memories I left for you
Hope you look back at them as something pleasant you've been through
, rather than memories of someone who didn’t care enough about you

, and never answered when you asked him "How are you?"
The truth is I truly cared for you 

I'm sorry but I never let the past ruin my present, and hoped you did so too

I'm sorry you didn't believe in yourself as much as I do

I'm sorry you are a person I thought I knew, and sadly this wasn’t true

, but most importantly I'm sorry you didn’t know “Who are you?”

I hope you know...I pray for you.

 Alaa El deen Fahmy

Note: The photo in this post is original and propriety of the Author. 

Great Hopes...

My birthday was a few days ago and although, I was too busy with all my work and the final exam for my masters, I still was so happy to know that there are lots of family, and good friends who cared enough to greet me, send me presents, and prepare a surprise party for me that eventually was cancelled because I didn’t feel that I should be celebrating this year.

Every year that passes by I review my last year's list of resolutions, and goals. I realize that some of the goals were achieved, I thank Allah for that, and then I make a new list of goals and resolutions. This ritual started in the last couple of years at collage after reading about the importance of “goal setting” and making a “personal mission statement”.

Some may find this ritual neurotic; some may say I'm over-managing and some may argue that I have oversized dreams. For the people who knows me well, they know that I never really give a damn for what people say or think about me as long as I believe that I'm doing what's right for me, and that what I'm doing is doing no harm to anyone.

I had a deep sense that I knew where I was going, what I wanted out of life and how to get there. I believed that I had to remain good, keep the faith, work hard and be patient.

I remember in 2008 when I left working at a big international company and went to work at a community pharmacy for half the salary. I left the company because, I felt that working there wasn't the right thing for me and the future at this company wasn't what I wanted. I took a temporary job at a community pharmacy, I never though a “temporary job” could last for 7 months! I really enjoyed working there and made good relations with lots of customers and people regarded me as a trusted friend. I acted as the Manager and managed almost everything even getting medication from suppliers to the pharmacy. I got a lot of interviews, but I rejected most of the offers, not because of the salary (which in most cases higher than my salary at the community pharmacy back then), I rejected those offers because I believed I would be taking a step back and it wouldn’t add anything and wouldn’t lead me to the path I'm searching for. I used the extra time in the pharmacy when there were no customers to study French and read books. I learned a lot, I never lost vision of where I wanted to be. I went to all interviews even of companies that weren't known to me, because I believed that sometimes opportunities may be found in the most unexpected places.

One day I got a phone call. It was a job interview at a fancy hotel. The interviewing company's name wasn't familiar. I decided to go, as I had nothing to loose. I ended up getting the job. It was a national company that was an agent for a multinational Japanese medical devices company. I felt that this is the place for me and this is the path I wanted. I felt that all the waiting and job searching has come to a successful end, the future can only get better from here. That was true until the few last months of 2010.

Things never stay the same. Today, I'm sad to say that I, for some reason, don't know where I want to go from here. I have no list of goals or resolutions this year.

My only goal for this year is to find the “List of Goals”, to rediscover my path. I still have great hopes, and believe that Allah will guide me to find that list, but for the time being I’ll just enjoy the simple things in life and live like there is no tomorrow.

This was a year full of events …

·      This is the year I got engaged.

·      The year I also, agreed with my ex-fiancée that it’s better for both of us to separate.

·      The year I met a good number of new people who eventually became very close friends. The year I also, strengthened relationship with friends who weren’t very close, and now are more like family to me.

·      The year I got promoted and then quit my job only to return to it a few months later with a small raise.

·      The Year I started this Blog; the idea of this Blog was suggested by one of my new good friends.

·      The year we; the Free Egyptians, said our word and defeated a tyrant. I was one of the blessed ones who witnessed it from the very beginning.

Last year was the year of “The Found Treasure”… this year is the year of “Great Hopes”…  these are great hopes for a better future for me; by finding my “List of Goals” and great hope for Egypt and the Egyptians by finding their place among the great countries of the world…

The Unforgettable

I am reading a book called “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by Mitch Albom. It’s an imaginary fable about a man who dies and meets people in heaven that affected, and touched his path in life. Each of them teaches him a lesson about his life and helps him understand better about his life.

I believe that in life we meet people who change our lives in some way; they change the way we think, help us somehow, make scarifies for our sake, or guide us through difficult times. Some may have shared part of our lives. Others we may have only met once in our lives, but they had a great effect on it. I believe we should keep our eyes open to such people, reflect on how they touched our lives and changed it forever. No matter how much life spins and how much time passes by, we must never forget the lessons we learned from them, we must never forget them.

For those are the “Unforgettable”.

I’m lucky to have met a few of those “Unforgettable” along my humble journey in life, even thou I may not know where some of them are or whatever happened to them, all I know is that I’ll never forget them…

Be Aware Of Transference

Sometimes in life we meet people who remind us of someone we knew; a grandmother that we loved, a caring mother, a father who provided us with safety, a special someone we loved, but things didn’t went as planned with that loved one. Sometimes that person who reminds us of the people we cared about in the past don’t even share any feature of those people he reminded us of. So, how did he or she do so?!

We as humans (i.e. emotional beings), tend to get attracted to people who are caring, people who listen empathically to our stories and try to help us with our troubles. It’s human nature. We tend to get attached to people who share us our moments of joy or sadness, even if we didn’t really know much about them. We relate to them we direct our emotions towards them.

We so much crave for someone to fill our empty space left by our loved ones from our past. We keep searching for someone or something we think might be the answer to our feeling of emptiness; someone or something that can fill that emotional void within us.

Sometimes we meet people who share features of our loved ones from our past. They say some phrases that our loved ones from the past used to say, they make similar gestures, they sometimes may resemble their voices, they may even remind us of some experiences we experienced with our loved ones from our past. That word “the past” has its magical effect. We are too much attached to our past, even if sometimes we don’t even know it. We keep fishing in our past trying to remember that old class mate from school who we were attracted to, but never really got to know, the girl from collage we used to like, but got our hearts broken, the guy who broke our hearts when we opened our hearts to them, and cared about them only to discover he didn’t really care that much. We sometimes see shadows of them in people we meet. We let our past take too much of our present and block us from realizing our bright future.

Why does all this happen?!

Friday of Rage: 28 Jan 2011, Cairo

I Wanted To, but I Couldn't

The protests against the corrupt government that ignited on the 25^th of Jan were about to pass almost unnoticed. Almost all of us, Egyptians, were keen on showing the whole world the magnitude of the situation in our beloved country, Egypt. We were not going to give up until drastic positive changes happen. There were tens of thousands of people still there, sitting and even sleeping, overnight at the Tahrir square (i.e. liberation square) at down town Cairo. The official Egyptian TV and media kept giving false information; saying that the protests have been stopped. I really wanted to participate in the peaceful protest on Friday 28^th of Jan, but I had a take-home exam/case study that was going to be sent to me by e-mail on the same day; it was part of my Masters in Business program. So, I decided that I can not join these protests. Little did I know about what fait had for me.

They Forced Me to Join It

I woke up that Friday, and after a few hours all forms of communication has been cutout, only a few cable phone lines have been left working. So, I couldn't access my e-mail to download my take-home/case study exam. I went to the Masged (i.e. A holly place where Muslims pray); right next to my home and prayed Al-Goma prayer (i.e. Friday’s Prayer), and after the prayers, I saw a lot of people gathered for the protests. I had noting to do at that moment; as the internet was cutout and I couldn’t download my exam from my e-mail. I got more worried about what the rotten police forces and the corrupt government might do to the protestors, and what would be the result of such brutal actions, would we ever live in peace in Egypt again? Would they have it in them to kill all those tens of thousands of unarmed peaceful protestors?! All those questions came rushing in my mind. I decided that I want to be there when anything happens to those protestors. It would be better if we were more people; power in numbers. So, I decided to join the protests. I went up home to wear my shoes, as I went to Al-Goma prayer wearing slippers. My younger sister stood at the door blocking my way out. She was worried. She told me “It’s not safe, and you don’t know what might happen!!, and father said to keep out of trouble”, I ended up going anyway. I knew that the right thing to do is going there and join the protestors wherever they are going. Their act of cutting all forms of communication has forced people to go out of there homes in rage to join the protest and to protect the people who were already protesting in the streets. This is what President Sadat has called “Political Stupidity”.

Breaking the Fear Barrier

We have been living in fear for a very long time, and we have to speak up and stand up for our rights. After 25^th Jan, my fear of participating in protests has been broken. The large numbers of young, honest, decent, well-educated, and cultured people that was gathered there on 25 Jan gave me hope, and made me feel safe. They couldn’t possibly put all those tens of thousands of people in jail and if they do, their families will tell the world what happened. I remembered the story of young Khalid El Saeed; who was murdered by the police, at Alexandria, without a reason, and how his family showed the whole world this brutal act and stood up to condemn such acts, and protests ignited everywhere on such brutal acts done by the dishonest people working in our police (there is a good number of honest people in our police, I personally have some honest friends who are working in the police, but sadly the most powerful are the corrupt people in our police force. That’s what you get when you have a corrupt government).

They were very peaceful protests. It first started by calling people to join the protests while walking in small streets in my neighborhood. Then Shouting things like “The people want to drop the government”, “Freedom, liberty, and social justice”, “Gamal Tell you father that the people hate you”, “We are not Opposition or Ekhwan (Islamic brotherhood), and we are all the Egyptians ”and“ Peaceful protest”.

The Journey to Freedom

A lot of people from Nastr City; where I live, gathered for the protests. Then it grew as we marched along Nasr Road and Salah Salem Road. People polled into the protest; gathering to express their demands. There was no violence at all. Some, less educated people was attempting to throw rocks, but the people around them stopped them before they do so, urging them to keep the protests peaceful.

When we came across Abbaseya Square we gave the police officers, standing there, bottles of water to drink, we shook their hands telling them we are all Egyptians and we all are together in making Egypt a better country. Then we continued marching towards Tahrir square. Tens of thousands of people were moving from everywhere in Egypt towards Tahrir square; the symbol of liberty. They had one message to tell the whole world “We are Egyptians and we want our Human Rights, we had enough of Mubarak, he needs to leave us”. They were not going to leave Tahrir square unless Mobarak leaves his position as President.

While I was walking in the protest I saw a police officer taking off his official police uniform; he threw his dark police sweater to the ground saying “Damn the police”. Some of the police officers showed support to the protests; they saluted us and sometimes even joined in shouting our demands, but they didn’t march with us; as this would threaten their authority. Even the honest police officers believed in this protests, and they too had enough of their corrupt leaders. Those were mainly police forces that were in Nasr City and along Salah Salem Road and Abbaseya square. Their main job was to secure the safety of the protest and direct the protests. Sadly the police forces at Ramsis square and Tahrir square had a different job!!

I Am Liberal

The Referendum (El Estef-ta’a)

A couple of days ago were our Egyptian referendum. The 1^st fruit of freedom, the great gift granted to us; Egyptians by the revolution of the 25^th of Jan. All Egyptian citizens can now express their opinions freely, and each person’s voice matters.

People gathered in very long lines to vote all around Egypt (Line of about 18 Million Egyptians). A lot said “Yes” to the modifications on the constitution, and also, a reasonable number said “No”. I was one of the people who said “No” to these modifications.

I was glad to spend about two and a half hours standing in line to express my voice freely. People were very friendly, and cooperative. The hours seemed to pass quickly as I chatted with the people standing with me in line. I was glad to meet some friends who came later and passed to say hi, then went to the end of the line.

People with differing opinions stood together with one common goal; a better future for our beloved country

People standing in a very long line to vote on referendum 

I was really touched when I saw an old lady looking for her husband and a young girl helped her, she said “Bless you youngsters of this country” then she looked at me and the young men with me in line and said “ Thank you, you gave us back our dignity, you made our votes matter… This is the first time I vote in anything in my entire life…Thank you”.

The people who said “No” had valid reasons to say “No”; reasons they believed will help build a better future for Egypt. The people who said “Yes” also, believed they had good reasons to say “Yes” and build a better future for Egypt.

The Corruption Within

I woke up and after a short while I was having my morning cup of tea while reading the newspaper. There was an article about how the new temporary government is going to give compensation to families of the martyrs of the Egyptian revolution; those heroes who gave their lives to the freedom of this country, who gave their lives in order for us to live in an Egypt free of corruption, and oppression. Those pure people who died in order for Egypt to live…. The article stated that their families will receive 50 thousand Egyptian pounds and a monthly payment of 1500 Egyptian pounds. “That’s good amount money” I thought to myself, but I don’t think it would compensate for their loss. What really would compensate for their losses is getting the people responsible for their death behind bars and eventually executed. Anyway, I finished my cup of tea and went to my work. I was going on sales visits in Asr Ainy Hospital (A well reputed Teaching Hospital in Cairo).

After a few visits I decided to go see where the people wounded from the revolution where being kept. I asked some of the young doctors and they showed me the way. I went into a hallway with lots of what seems to be patients’ wards. There was a horrible smell, mixed with the smell of blood. Suddenly there was a guy talking in a very aggressive, high tone. 

How Corruption is Built

This is a story a neighbor of mine told me while we were guarding the neighborhood, after the police disappeared mysteriously leaving us prey for criminals that were mysteriously let out of their prisons all around Egypt. This guy is an entrepreneur and he has his own company. He participated in the events of 25 Jan and 28 Jan, although he needs nothing more out of life, he was there purely because, as all of us Egyptians, he had a dream of a better Egypt. It’s a short story of how corruption is built into communities, and it’s a fictional story, but carries great meanings.

There was a guy working in a government position and he was suspected to be an agent working with a foreign government that doesn’t want Egypt to be a great country. The Egyptian Intelligence Agency was following him for years and didn’t find anything suspicious in his actions. The only suspicious thing was great amounts of money being transferred to his bank account. They didn’t know what was the thing he was doing in exchange for all this money and they kept on his tail to see if he’s doing anything that would jeopardize the safety of Egypt. At the end they decided to arrest him, interrogate him and get him to confess. After interrogation this was his confession:

“They told me to keep working for the government and they’ll get me promoted and when I choose employees to work with me, I would evaluate the applicants and choose the worst person for the Job. That’s all I had to do, in exchange for the money”

After reflecting on this story, I could say that ... Here in Egypt we have a great pool of brilliant talent and genius minds. Those great minds and brilliant talents usually leave the country, because they don’t get what they deserve. They are sometimes attacked, even if they offer their services for free. They don’t want us to be a great country. They want us, the youth of this country, to believe that we are worthless and useless and even if we are brilliant we won’t function in our beloved country, because of the corrupt systems built into it. That’s why we should say “No!” we can be, and we will be. We will not let you build corruption into this system anymore.

25 Jan had shown us all the greatness within the people of this country, and we will stop this corruption InShallah (If Allah may will)

Egyptian and always 100% Proud

Alaa El Deen Esmail Fahmy

My Journey in Cairo 25 Jan 2011

A few days ago I was asking a friend to tell me “What is the worst trait about me?” or “What is the most annoying thing about me?”. I do this every once in a while to increase myself awareness and see myself from other people’s eyes. The answer was:

“You think a lot, and take only very few actions and sometimes even take no action at all”.

At first I wasn’t convinced since my friend wasn’t able to mention a specific situation where I didn’t take action, while I should have taken action. Then I remembered that someone told me something similar, in the past few months, that’s why I decided to consider improving myself in that aspect, and take more actions, rather than only thinking, writing, and giving speeches.

Today is 25 Jan; the Egyptian Police national day; it’s a national holiday. There was all that fuss about protests that was going to be happening today, protests showing disapproval of bad living standards caused by the rotten government. This situation was ignited by the resent protests and violent acts happening in Tunis that pushed Bin Aly; their president to leave the country.

On facebook there were two different directions on where those “Peaceful Protests” should be organized. Some said it would be smart to hold such protests in small alleys in poor places, because this would prevent the police forces from interfering with these protests, and if they try to do so, the poor people suffering severely from low standards of living, caused by the rotten government, will stop them! Others recommended performing the “Peaceful Protests” in wide areas and main squares in the country (as usually done in most countries of the world).

Almost Flat Tire

While I was entering my car I noticed that one of my car’s tires was almost flat. I just have inflated it three days ago, and now it’s deflated! For the past couple of months, I’ve been visiting the car service station to inflate the exact same tire time after another. I knew that it needed to be fixed, but I didn’t fix it. I really don’t know why!! May be, I was caught up in the thick of thin things; convincing myself that I’m too busy to fix it, or may be I was just getting used to it that way, or may be I was just too lazy to fix it. The thing is that fixing it only takes 10 to 15 minutes!! Then it will save me all the time wasted on going to inflate it at the service station time after time.

 

Everywhere I go with that “almost flat” tire; people driving next to me keep pointing and saying “Hay! Your tire is flat!” and I go like “Yeah… I know, thanks”, and then I do absolutely nothing about it. I just simply leave it for a while, until I feel that it’s not safe to leave it like this anymore, then go to the nearest car service station and inflate it again!! Then cycle starts all over again.

I realized that, sometimes, I’m like that “almost flat” tire; I have a hole in me that needs to be fixed. I keep convincing myself that I’m ok, while the truth is that I’m not. That hole will not just magically disappear no matter how much I inflated the tire, it’ll still deflate again and it may eventually go completely flat. Denial will not solve anything… I should find where do the problem lies, so I can move on to fixing it, and get on with life.

I also, realized that there are lots of things in life that are, in a way ,like that almost flat tire; a failing educational system, an unhealthy relationship, an unhealthy life habit, and an unsatisfying career path. All those things will continue to deflate and fail if we keep using them in the same way, we seriously need to fix them, before they completely go flat on the ground, leaving us standing there without being able to move forward; seeing time goes by while we remain frozen.

We shouldn’t do the same exact thing time after another, when we know that it’s not going to work, because we tried it before and it still didn’t work. However, we should not give up; we simply should accept the fact that it’s not meant to be done in that way, and search for some other of doing it.

When you inflate it, many times and it still doesn’t work… admit that it needs to be fixed and fix it or find a new one that works, don’t waste your time trying to inflate it again.

A flat tire holds us back, and keeps us from moving forward. If we ignore it for a long while it may cause us serious accidents in our lives, we should, inspect our life’s tires every once in a while, fix them, and keep moving forward.

Now, I’m going to fix the tire and I think you all should do the same…

Alaa El deen Esmail Fahmy 

They Won’t Break Us

Someone Who hate Us … Ignited a fire of hatred between us

Thinking they could separate Us

We won’t let them Break Us

Bombs, Bombs… Ashes, Blood, and Tears.

The smoke of hate grew to fill the sky.

Cries, prayers, and Hymns, fill the skies above the seas.

Bottles, rocks, and pieces of wood, thrown into the air.

We should not fight each other in despair.

We should look around to see; who wants to break us apart.

Who wants to put a wound in our hearts?!

We will stand up together and won’t let him break us.

Hand in Hand until eternity… the way it was since the beginning of our history.

Alaa El deen Fahmy

This poem is dedicated to all families of people died or got injured during the Bombings of Alexandria in New Year 2011. It’s a reminder that we; Egyptians no matter what religion we believe in, are always united, and we condemn any form of terrorism, because terrorism has no religion.

Window Shopping

What Is Window Shopping?

According to Wikipedia "Window shopping" is an activity that shoppers engage in by browsing shops with no intent to purchase, possibly just to pass the time between other activities, or to plan a later purchase.

Dictionary.com states that “Window Shopping” is a verb meaning:

1. To look at articles in the windows of stores without making any purchases.

2. To examine or evaluate merchandise for possible purchase, use, etc.

Why Am I Writing This?

Apparently a good number of girls and young women living in this country regard “arranged marriage” to be window shopping, I don’t blame them, but I don’t say they are completely right, as I know a reasonable number of good and happily married couples whose marriages were arranged for.

A girl feels like she is some kind of Mannequin displayed on the façade of some shop at a shopping mall, where potential suitors pass by looking through the window seeing her, then decide to take her or leave her. In many cases this image is not so far from the fact. She feels it’s a degrading, insulting, and emotionally painful activity, where acceptance is mainly based on physical appearance. A good number of girls reject the whole idea of arranged marriage. A few of them freak out if they found themselves blindly involved in such an arrangement to meet a potential suitor.

Some guys also, share this point of view; feeling that they too are displayed from a narrow window and they too are judged based on their physical appearances, and first impressions.

So, for the most part, people who are involved in arranged marriage meetings usually end up saying something like:

“He (or she) is not my type” (Can a person really tell from the first meeting, or second or third even!!)

“He’s not romantic enough” (Of course, in the first meeting it’s not always easy to tell if a person is romantic or not!! Unless he shows it by talking about some of his hobbies that a girl might find romantic, like talking about scenes from a romantic movie he liked, or talking about nature, and his dreams of travelling to some place where sea, mountains and green horizons meet, or something of that sort) 

“She’s not pretty” or “She’s pretty, but she’s not smart enough. I need a smart girl who can get along in this world, and take responsibility of our home while I’m gone to work” or “She’s too smart for me, and she seems controlling. I need a simple girl.” (Sometimes, the same guy can say those contradictory statements about different girls he meets in arranged meeting!! We don’t even know what we want anymore!!)

“He’s a little aggressive didn’t you see how he was moving his foot!!” or “Who does he think himself? He can’t judge me and tell me what to wear and what not to wear. He’s a freak!! We only met today and he wants to control what I wear!!” or “He seems too sweet, I need a strong man, who can stand up for himself and me...Take control”(The guy or girl at the first meeting usually acts nice, so the “too sweet guy” may not seem too sweet after all.)

“He’s fat” (The girl saying a guy is fat may also be fat herself!!)

Physical appearances and first impressions are not enough to build a life time commitment like marriage. Sometimes a girl rejecting a guy for being too aggressive or to controlling falls deeply in love with the most aggressive guy she have ever met, and may even marry him!! Also, the guy complaining about a girl being not smart goes on to marry a pretty airhead!!

Why Do This Happen?!

Because, for the most part, in such situations, people don’t say what they mean and people don’t mean what they say. It’s not like you can go tell a person “I don’t want to get married this way”. So, when they are confronted with such situation, and they just want to escape it, they simply say anything that may seem illogical sometimes.

Also, most people don’t know what they want; they seem to want contradictory things “I need a strong man who takes control” and a few days later “I need a sweet caring man, who doesn’t control me and consider my point of view”. They may also, have this unrealistic dream of finding superman or wonder-woman who is perfect in everything imaginable way, and which apparently doesn't exist in real life. So, when they are confronted with someone not as charming, they just reject the whole idea, and try to escape.

There is, also, the fantasy of people engaging in a love story and falling in love, then getting married. The media (TV, movies), have created this fantasy. The story of a boy meeting girl, dating, falling in love and eventually getting married. Which may not be acceptable, and even forbidden in most of our Egyptian cultures (Egyptians living in Egypt now have more than one culture depending on where they grew-up other than Egypt and according to different geographical areas within Egypt, for example people living in Aswan differ in their culture and values from Egyptians living in Alexandria, also, Egyptians who grew up in the US have different culture and values than Egyptians who grew up in Arabian Gulf countries). Apparently, the word forbidden has its magical alluring feeling about it. The more it’s forbidden the more people crave it, its human nature. That’s why, today in our society, we see a lot of girls and boys holding hands, cuddling, and even kissing at cinemas, cafés, and in cars, with no ring on their fingers; to indicate they’re in any type of “official relationship”.

An important reason is the way people act during such meetings. People tend to go into interrogations. The groom-to-be feels like he’s a suspect in condemned of the crime of stealing their daughter! The same may be also, for the bride-to-be. Sometimes, the meeting takes the form of someone simply stating a list of facts about him, in the most plain and boring way.

I believe that when the situation is insulting, and emotionally painful, it’s so on both parties; men and women.

So, they just simply reject the whole idea of an “arranged marriage”, which according to their view is equal to loveless marriage.

So, What Exactly Is An Arranged Marriage?

According to Wikipedia “An arranged marriage is one in which by someone other than the couple getting married makes the selection of the persons to be wed, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship. Such marriages had deep roots in royal and aristocratic families around the world, including Europe. Today, arranged marriage is largely practiced in South Asia, and the Middle East and East Asia to some extent. Other groups that practice this custom include the Unification Church. It should not be confused with the practice of forced marriage. Arranged marriages are usually seen in Indian, traditional European and African cultures, especially among royalty, and are usually decided by the parents or an older family member. The match could be selected by parents, a matchmaking agent, matrimonial site, or a trusted third party. In many communities, priests or religious leaders as well as relatives or family friends play a major role in matchmaking.”

So, on the contrary of what some people might think it’s not something exclusive to the Arab world, it’s something that’s happening all around the word.

Arranged Marriage is common even in western societies, like aristocrats and royal families of Europe; for example, the marriage of the Prince Charles to Diana Spencer was arranged by Queen Elizabeth; since she screened several women and assessed their potential to be his wife. It’s a way to keep their royal family royal!

Arranged Marriage isn't forced marriage. Some parents make it so, but it actually isn’t supposed to be that way. Forced Marriage is a loveless marriage, which is a completely different thing.

Arranged Marriage is not a loveless marriage. Love ignites between people who have met, liked each other, and felt happy being together. Arranged marriage give people a chance to find that love.

Arranged marriages are more enduring (statistics shows a 5-7% divorce rate for arranged marriages versus the US average of 50%).

That’s why it’s a practice encouraged by almost all religious beliefs.

What an arranged marriage does is provide two people the opportunity to meet. This first meeting may be the beginning of a very beautiful relationship, or the most painful experience a person could go through or nothing at all. This depends on how people act and think in that meeting.

I believe for this opportunity to become a beginning of a very beautiful relationship, both parties and their families should be honest about themselves and not pretend or act something they are not. A lot of arranged marriage meetings fail because, later it was discovered that someone wasn’t honest.

I also, encourage the parents not to talk about their sons and daughters, and let them talk for themselves. I believe most parents in Egypt today have grown away from their sons and daughters, due to their busy crowded lives, so their knowledge of their sons and daughters is very superficial. Also, sons and daughter have grown away from their parents, because they like to spend more time with friends or browse the internet or play some video game rather than to spend quality time with family. So, it’s probably best to let them speak about themselves privately. Sometimes parents of the groom-to-be talk about him, and thus giving the bride-to-be and her parents the impression that he’s “his Mamma’s boy” or “his Baba’s Boy”. I believe that, during these meetings, the parents should talk to the other parents about themselves and general issues to let the other parents have a good idea of who they are, and let the couple-to-be speak together about general issues and themselves.

Arranged marriages may also, be arranged by friends. This removes most of the tension, as people of the same generation act freely and more naturally than with parents around. The chances to show the natural true self is more than incase of family meetings.

When the couple-to-be are honest and natural in presenting themselves, without any tension, or acting, it’s easy to decide wither to go on or not.

If there is acceptance between the couple, it’s advised not to rush into things, and to give the couple more time to get to know each other. Jumping straight into marriage may cause a lot of emotional pain, regret and even lawsuits.

If there is no acceptance between the couple-to-be then the couples are not to be.

I believe people should view “Arranged Marriage” as a chance to meet people, and see different types of people. We may meet people who are just too silly; making us laugh (Please do that when they are gone, don’t laugh to their faces!!), and some are good people, but not good for us, may be for someone else, but may be one of them would turn out to be the right person.

At the end if you find the right person, it doesn’t matter how you met, wither it was at a family gathering, at an arranged marriage meeting between friends or family, or even while window shopping at the mall!!

Expiration Date

Our society has this amazing and somewhat irritating habit of pushing people to get married. 

I say amazing because; it’s good for a society to have married people to suppress the incidence of crimes like harassment, prostitution, and rape. It’s also, good for individuals to feel safe, and satisfied emotionally and physiologically.

I say it’s somewhat irritating because, it’s not a good thing that parents push their sons and daughters into a doomed marriage just because they want to become grandparents and see their sons and daughter become fathers and mothers. They seem to believe there is some sort of “expiration date” for marriage. Like if you didn't get married before a certain age you’re expired as a human being!! You’re no longer useful!!

There are a lot of great people in our human history that never got married. People like: Joan of Arc (1412-1431); at age 17 she led the victorious French troops in the Battle of Orleans, James Buchanan, Jr. (1791-1868); 15^th president of the USA, and Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603); during her reign England became a substantial power in Europe, defeating Spain’s Armada and spreading English influence around the world.

This doesn't mean I’m encouraging you to boycott marriage. (Although, it seems like a reasonable idea given that the planet is getting crowded and we don’t need to give birth to more people!!).  I’m merely saying that it’s ok to be single, nothing wrong with that, and it’s not reasonable to rush into a miserable married life just because your expiry date is coming close. There is no expiry date for marriage. There is only an expiry date for having healthy kids, but that’s a completely different issue, because a lot of young healthy couple may not be able to have kids for medical reasons, and after all children are, like anything else, a gift from Allah (God).

I believe that as we grew older our chances of meeting new people decrease, so it’s the best idea to take the opportunity provided to us by arranged marriage. We shouldn’t close all doors and windows upon ourselves and wish that a miracle will happen.

At the end I want to say:

“When you go next time for window shopping, remember to be the one outside looking in, not the one trapped inside”

I’m opening the “window” for discussion to this article. I can’t wait to hear from you all.

Note: All Photos shown in this article has been collected from other sites by the author and modified by computer software programs.