What Is Window Shopping?
According to Wikipedia "Window shopping" is an activity that shoppers engage in by browsing shops with no intent to purchase, possibly just to pass the time between other activities, or to plan a later purchase.
Dictionary.com states that “Window Shopping” is a verb meaning:
1. To look at articles in the windows of stores without making any purchases.
2. To examine or evaluate merchandise for possible purchase, use, etc.
Why Am I Writing This?
Apparently a good number of girls and young women living in this country regard “arranged marriage” to be window shopping, I don’t blame them, but I don’t say they are completely right, as I know a reasonable number of good and happily married couples whose marriages were arranged for.
A girl feels like she is some kind of Mannequin displayed on the façade of some shop at a shopping mall, where potential suitors pass by looking through the window seeing her, then decide to take her or leave her. In many cases this image is not so far from the fact. She feels it’s a degrading, insulting, and emotionally painful activity, where acceptance is mainly based on physical appearance. A good number of girls reject the whole idea of arranged marriage. A few of them freak out if they found themselves blindly involved in such an arrangement to meet a potential suitor.
Some guys also, share this point of view; feeling that they too are displayed from a narrow window and they too are judged based on their physical appearances, and first impressions.
So, for the most part, people who are involved in arranged marriage meetings usually end up saying something like:
“He (or she) is not my type” (Can a person really tell from the first meeting, or second or third even!!)
“He’s not romantic enough” (Of course, in the first meeting it’s not always easy to tell if a person is romantic or not!! Unless he shows it by talking about some of his hobbies that a girl might find romantic, like talking about scenes from a romantic movie he liked, or talking about nature, and his dreams of travelling to some place where sea, mountains and green horizons meet, or something of that sort)
“She’s not pretty” or “She’s pretty, but she’s not smart enough. I need a smart girl who can get along in this world, and take responsibility of our home while I’m gone to work” or “She’s too smart for me, and she seems controlling. I need a simple girl.” (Sometimes, the same guy can say those contradictory statements about different girls he meets in arranged meeting!! We don’t even know what we want anymore!!)
“He’s a little aggressive didn’t you see how he was moving his foot!!” or “Who does he think himself? He can’t judge me and tell me what to wear and what not to wear. He’s a freak!! We only met today and he wants to control what I wear!!” or “He seems too sweet, I need a strong man, who can stand up for himself and me...Take control”(The guy or girl at the first meeting usually acts nice, so the “too sweet guy” may not seem too sweet after all.)
“He’s fat” (The girl saying a guy is fat may also be fat herself!!)
Physical appearances and first impressions are not enough to build a life time commitment like marriage. Sometimes a girl rejecting a guy for being too aggressive or to controlling falls deeply in love with the most aggressive guy she have ever met, and may even marry him!! Also, the guy complaining about a girl being not smart goes on to marry a pretty airhead!!
Why Do This Happen?!
Because, for the most part, in such situations, people don’t say what they mean and people don’t mean what they say. It’s not like you can go tell a person “I don’t want to get married this way”. So, when they are confronted with such situation, and they just want to escape it, they simply say anything that may seem illogical sometimes.
Also, most people don’t know what they want; they seem to want contradictory things “I need a strong man who takes control” and a few days later “I need a sweet caring man, who doesn’t control me and consider my point of view”. They may also, have this unrealistic dream of finding superman or wonder-woman who is perfect in everything imaginable way, and which apparently doesn't exist in real life. So, when they are confronted with someone not as charming, they just reject the whole idea, and try to escape.
There is, also, the fantasy of people engaging in a love story and falling in love, then getting married. The media (TV, movies), have created this fantasy. The story of a boy meeting girl, dating, falling in love and eventually getting married. Which may not be acceptable, and even forbidden in most of our Egyptian cultures (Egyptians living in Egypt now have more than one culture depending on where they grew-up other than Egypt and according to different geographical areas within Egypt, for example people living in Aswan differ in their culture and values from Egyptians living in Alexandria, also, Egyptians who grew up in the US have different culture and values than Egyptians who grew up in Arabian Gulf countries). Apparently, the word forbidden has its magical alluring feeling about it. The more it’s forbidden the more people crave it, its human nature. That’s why, today in our society, we see a lot of girls and boys holding hands, cuddling, and even kissing at cinemas, cafés, and in cars, with no ring on their fingers; to indicate they’re in any type of “official relationship”.
An important reason is the way people act during such meetings. People tend to go into interrogations. The groom-to-be feels like he’s a suspect in condemned of the crime of stealing their daughter! The same may be also, for the bride-to-be. Sometimes, the meeting takes the form of someone simply stating a list of facts about him, in the most plain and boring way.
I believe that when the situation is insulting, and emotionally painful, it’s so on both parties; men and women.
So, they just simply reject the whole idea of an “arranged marriage”, which according to their view is equal to loveless marriage.
So, What Exactly Is An Arranged Marriage?
According to Wikipedia “An arranged marriage is one in which by someone other than the couple getting married makes the selection of the persons to be wed, curtailing or avoiding the process of courtship. Such marriages had deep roots in royal and aristocratic families around the world, including Europe. Today, arranged marriage is largely practiced in South Asia, and the Middle East and East Asia to some extent. Other groups that practice this custom include the Unification Church. It should not be confused with the practice of forced marriage. Arranged marriages are usually seen in Indian, traditional European and African cultures, especially among royalty, and are usually decided by the parents or an older family member. The match could be selected by parents, a matchmaking agent, matrimonial site, or a trusted third party. In many communities, priests or religious leaders as well as relatives or family friends play a major role in matchmaking.”
So, on the contrary of what some people might think it’s not something exclusive to the Arab world, it’s something that’s happening all around the word.
Arranged Marriage is common even in western societies, like aristocrats and royal families of Europe; for example, the marriage of the Prince Charles to Diana Spencer was arranged by Queen Elizabeth; since she screened several women and assessed their potential to be his wife. It’s a way to keep their royal family royal!
Arranged Marriage isn't forced marriage. Some parents make it so, but it actually isn’t supposed to be that way. Forced Marriage is a loveless marriage, which is a completely different thing.
Arranged Marriage is not a loveless marriage. Love ignites between people who have met, liked each other, and felt happy being together. Arranged marriage give people a chance to find that love.
Arranged marriages are more enduring (statistics shows a 5-7% divorce rate for arranged marriages versus the US average of 50%).
That’s why it’s a practice encouraged by almost all religious beliefs.
What an arranged marriage does is provide two people the opportunity to meet. This first meeting may be the beginning of a very beautiful relationship, or the most painful experience a person could go through or nothing at all. This depends on how people act and think in that meeting.
I believe for this opportunity to become a beginning of a very beautiful relationship, both parties and their families should be honest about themselves and not pretend or act something they are not. A lot of arranged marriage meetings fail because, later it was discovered that someone wasn’t honest.
I also, encourage the parents not to talk about their sons and daughters, and let them talk for themselves. I believe most parents in Egypt today have grown away from their sons and daughters, due to their busy crowded lives, so their knowledge of their sons and daughters is very superficial. Also, sons and daughter have grown away from their parents, because they like to spend more time with friends or browse the internet or play some video game rather than to spend quality time with family. So, it’s probably best to let them speak about themselves privately. Sometimes parents of the groom-to-be talk about him, and thus giving the bride-to-be and her parents the impression that he’s “his Mamma’s boy” or “his Baba’s Boy”. I believe that, during these meetings, the parents should talk to the other parents about themselves and general issues to let the other parents have a good idea of who they are, and let the couple-to-be speak together about general issues and themselves.
Arranged marriages may also, be arranged by friends. This removes most of the tension, as people of the same generation act freely and more naturally than with parents around. The chances to show the natural true self is more than incase of family meetings.
When the couple-to-be are honest and natural in presenting themselves, without any tension, or acting, it’s easy to decide wither to go on or not.
If there is acceptance between the couple, it’s advised not to rush into things, and to give the couple more time to get to know each other. Jumping straight into marriage may cause a lot of emotional pain, regret and even lawsuits.
If there is no acceptance between the couple-to-be then the couples are not to be.
I believe people should view “Arranged Marriage” as a chance to meet people, and see different types of people. We may meet people who are just too silly; making us laugh (Please do that when they are gone, don’t laugh to their faces!!), and some are good people, but not good for us, may be for someone else, but may be one of them would turn out to be the right person.
At the end if you find the right person, it doesn’t matter how you met, wither it was at a family gathering, at an arranged marriage meeting between friends or family, or even while window shopping at the mall!!
Expiration Date
Our society has this amazing and somewhat irritating habit of pushing people to get married.
I say amazing because; it’s good for a society to have married people to suppress the incidence of crimes like harassment, prostitution, and rape. It’s also, good for individuals to feel safe, and satisfied emotionally and physiologically.
I say it’s somewhat irritating because, it’s not a good thing that parents push their sons and daughters into a doomed marriage just because they want to become grandparents and see their sons and daughter become fathers and mothers. They seem to believe there is some sort of “expiration date” for marriage. Like if you didn't get married before a certain age you’re expired as a human being!! You’re no longer useful!!
There are a lot of great people in our human history that never got married. People like: Joan of Arc (1412-1431); at age 17 she led the victorious French troops in the Battle of Orleans, James Buchanan, Jr. (1791-1868); 15th president of the USA, and Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603); during her reign England became a substantial power in Europe, defeating Spain’s Armada and spreading English influence around the world.
This doesn't mean I’m encouraging you to boycott marriage. (Although, it seems like a reasonable idea given that the planet is getting crowded and we don’t need to give birth to more people!!). I’m merely saying that it’s ok to be single, nothing wrong with that, and it’s not reasonable to rush into a miserable married life just because your expiry date is coming close. There is no expiry date for marriage. There is only an expiry date for having healthy kids, but that’s a completely different issue, because a lot of young healthy couple may not be able to have kids for medical reasons, and after all children are, like anything else, a gift from Allah (God).
I believe that as we grew older our chances of meeting new people decrease, so it’s the best idea to take the opportunity provided to us by arranged marriage. We shouldn’t close all doors and windows upon ourselves and wish that a miracle will happen.
At the end I want to say:
“When you go next time for window shopping, remember to be the one outside looking in, not the one trapped inside”
I’m opening the “window” for discussion to this article. I can’t wait to hear from you all.
Note: All Photos shown in this article has been collected from other sites by the author and modified by computer software programs.
